Letting Go of Perfection
“Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things.”-Ray Bradbury
Confession: I have a really bad habit:
I can be quite the perfectionist. I think it's just in my nature; I'm very organized and detail-oriented (which makes planning a dream and makes clients very happy), but I can also get in my own way when it comes to actually doing the work. I want to have all the answers. I want to plan ahead for every contingency. I want to know what the outcome will be before I even begin.
This is a ridiculous (and stressful) way to live.
I have a vivid memory of working at my last design job, picking away at a design for hours, so stuck in the details and then crushed when asked to make a change. I remember feeling my throat tightening, my body feeling like it was crawling, heat flushing up my neck and tears pushing at my eyes. I had to walk around the block and calm myself down before coming back in to do it all over again. And this reaction wasn't even related to my workplace or culture, it was me.
I hadn't allowed myself any room to play or to make mistakes or to fail. I felt like I had to have it all together all of the time and if I stepped outside that bubble of self-defined perfection, no one would like me, I would lose my job, and I would end up destitute and alone. Dramatic much?
Than one day, when I was in the early stages of my pregnancy, super hormonal, and exhausted, I failed. HARD. And my team had my back. The world didn't end. I didn't get fired. And I got to get up and try again.
Slowly, over the years, and with the help of a lot of important people in my life, I've been able to loosen my grip on perfectionism. I can sense it when it's creeping around the corner, recognize the signs, and shut it down. And sometimes I can let it in to help when I know that I need a little push of motivation. But on those days I set a timer so it doesn't overtake me (it's giving Venom as Perfection right now as I type this).
My practice has gotten more joyful, I've found more ease in my work, and everything takes so much less time, allowing me more time for family and hobbies and rest.
So for anyone else who struggles with perfectionism, here are 4 ways I'm working to let go of perfectionism and a few tips for you to do the same:
1. Realize that "perfect" is an opinion (and also doesn't exist)
This is something I'm really trying to teach my son as I've learned it myself: Perfect. Doesn't. Exist. There is no world in which everyone agrees on the same definition of "perfect" for anything. Therefore, perfect becomes not a fact, but an opinion. Realizing this was so freeing.
For example, something I work tirelessly on for weeks on end could be my A quality work, but someone with more experience could look at it and give it a C-. Conversely, my version of B+ quality work could be someone else's version of A+ quality work. But most of the time, I guarantee that if I'm hired for a job, my client judges my work on a scale based on my own work. So there's no point in overthinking it and comparing myself or my work to someone else’s work or someone else’s opinion.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive to better ourselves, learn more, and grow in skill. We absolutely should. That's what makes life interesting. But in general, when I'm working on a project, I'm not trying to innovate every bit of my process on one job. In general, I’m doing what I already do best and maybe pushing myself to innovate on a specific detail that makes sense within the context of the project. Otherwise, I’lm innovating on my own time with self-assigned projects that I can relax into and have fun with.
Tip: remember that where you are is where you are supposed to be. Compare to no one but yourself. Look back at old work and see how far you've actually come!
2. Stop when "enough is enough"
When I'm researching or image sourcing for a project, I often find myself going down a rabbit hole and digging and digging, looking for the "perfect" image or "enough" inspiration. A lot of times this is related to client work, when I'm presenting a project and feel like I need to make it so robust and overdeliver so hard that there's no way they'll hate it. Sometimes this looks like sourcing 50 images when I only need 2 for a presentation or creating 4 options when I've said I'll deliver 2.
This deep insecurity and need for perfection in work that will be judged comes from somewhere deep, but over time, after working with enough clients, I've realized that I am the expert and that is why they have hired me. This seems obvious, but it took a lot of time to gain the confidence I needed in my work to stop wasting time trying to "perfect" everything and gather so much evidence that what I'm doing is good for the project.
Tip: instead of overthinking and over-designing, try doubling down your best 2-3 ideas. It may take time to flesh them out and get them where you feel confident, but that's way better than wasting time creating more mediocre options.
3. Make room for play and mistakes
Easier said than done, right? How many times have I started a painting or project and wanted to plan it to perfection or add details in right away? Pretty much every time. But you know what happens when I do that? I usually have to scrap it all or paint over it at some point and all that detailed work in the beginning is for naught.
This tendency to add too many details and overthink things is a big weakness of mine in all aspects of design—something I'm very aware of and work hard to pull back from. Ninety-nine percent of the time simpler is better, though harder to achieve a pleasing result.
I'm currently working through this in my studio practice. Instead of planning every detail in the beginning, I'm giving myself a loose idea of the finished product, then allowing myself freedom to play. I'll put on some good music (without lyrics thank you very much), tape up some paper on the wall, and have at it with whatever I'm feeling that day. Sometimes I start with a loose sketch and sometimes I wing it. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, but that's okay. It's all part of the process.
Tip: find a process that feels intuitive to you. Don't think too hard about the end result. Sometimes accidents create the most interesting bits in the finished piece.
4. Try. Fail. Try again.
Failing sucks. It sucks so much. But I will say, it gets easier the more you do it.
My husband is the master at this. I always say that his superpower is trying something new and figuring out how to do it. He has built a car basically from the ground up using only YouTube videos. He can re-plumb a whole house (he doesn't like it but he can do it). He can pull electrical wire and put in new windows and drive heavy machinery and refinish floors and take apart a chainsaw and put it back together. All things he had to try, ask for help, learn, and try again. He's not afraid to fail and seeing that over and over thoughout our relationship has been a huge inspiration to me.
Like anything, the more we try, the more we're going to fail. I think actively choosing to not let the failure be the defining moment, but letting the act of trying again guide the way is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourself.
Because we're gonna fail. Like it or not. We're only human.
Tip: So how can we practice failing in small ways so its not so devastating? Fail on purpose all the time. And fail at things both related to and unrelated to your job.
Try and fail at a new marketing approach (no one will even know).
Try and fail at a new painting technique.
Try and fail at having a conversation in French (raises hand every week).
Try and fail at launching a new digital product (if it doesn't sell, I bet you didn't even invest all that much time in it anyway).
Try and fail at cooking something new. If it's disgusting, order a pizza.
Try and fail at relaxing. <-- This is a good one I dare you to try.
Try and fail at growing your own food (growing a garden is humbling AF)
Try and fail at keeping your house clean and then learn to be okay with some messiness or decide to hire help.
Try and fail at keeping in touch with old friends.
Try and fail keeping your word. THEN TRY AGAIN.
The point is, just try. Most of the time, we are our own worst critics. Most of the time NO ONE IS EVEN WATCHING. And if they are, own your failure, apologize if necessary, get up, and try again anyway.
You'll grow in your respect for yourself, you'll gain the trust of people that matter to you (forget the rest), and you'll gain a resilience that will serve you well for the rest of your life.
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Wishing you all the best on your journey towards leaving perfectionism behind. I'm right there with you!
